am i happy?????

Stupid...are you happy..
wht make you happy..i have completed one year as software engg...Now wht are my savings...
if you wanna know whts my bank balance..thn im hapy to say that its still sufficient for me to live a life as i want...nd physically i earned a soft belly.....sitting idle all time in office as well home is the reason behind tht belly..Still Im not happy..Why..?Do you know..why im not satisfied or unhappy...??????
I am realy unable to find an answer for that...

BUt Im happy for wht i got as relationships..
i got to know somany ppl...they were strangers ..still strangers..but strangly i am intrested in them..
im talking to them..watching them..
and i think they are like my other friends..
They are my friends..
I never dreamt of friends from diffrent places of INdia.....I should mention abyt a guy..Im a bit confused...He talks in diffrent ways..sometimes he is very happy and talkative nd sometimes as gloomy as im..
strange right..do you find any similarity..heheh..got it right..hmmm....
Daily Im seeing some of thems performance..Performing for their personal intresy\t..
I hate them..
But still i cannot show my anger on them..Why?Because they are not friends,,They are just co workers..BE PROFESSIONAL..
hehehhe
Do u think I like the behaviour Im Showing to them...NEver,,
ITS someone else..
I lost mYseLf...
But Im coward..or i didnt find my way.....

never published.....

I wrote this long back..may be exactly one year back..nd i was not able to publish it..
so here its...

nthng to say..she s ma chweet akku..chakkara...dash..unda...do ..do..do...ths s hw she begn her scentence whn talkng..luks like little sweet gal..but....in realty..mappu crude..(heheh)..i thnk green wll b her colr in our machz gp....pilleru piduthakkaru kandal..muttayikku pakaram kurachu pullu koduthal mathi..bse u wll never see such a crazy gal..shes mad abt pullu...nt alone pullu..evrythng small nd cute in nature...shs ma world bank ...hehhe..lending money with 0 intrest..ma akku ....got a brthr ..pappu..(hehhe)u may wonder what its,..
a tesimonial i wrote for my chweet akku...

i need u!!!!!!!

i am alone ....i need u
whts ur job nd job description...???????here its...
u should call me in late nights...u should talk to me till i say stop!!!!!!!!!!!!
u should love me as n when i need.....u should hate me whenever i say....i wanna cry aloud...then u should be there...u should scold me..nd then u will be there to hold me...kiss me....hug me....beet me...make fun of me...font of me...listen to me.....wake me up...sleep with me....
then who r u????????????
i dont know...but im alone....i need u....

എന്‍റെ നാലു പല്ലു

ഇപ്പോ വെള്ളം കുടിക്കാന്‍ സ്ട്രോ ആണ് നല്ലത്.വഴിയെ പോയ വയ്യാവേലി തലയില്‍ എടുത്തു വച്ചു.അമ്മയുടെ സുഹൃത്തിനെ നോക്കി ഒന്നു ചിരിച്ചു!!!പല്ല് ഡോക്ടര്‍ ആയിരുന്നു...പണ്ടു കാലം മുതല്‍കേ എന്‍റെ പല്ലില്‍ എല്ലാര്ക്കും ഒരു നോട്ടമുണ്ടായിരുന്നു...എന്‍റെ പ്രിയ സഹോദരങ്ങളില്‍ പലരും അത് മുന്‍കൂട്ടി ബുക്ക് ചെയ്തിരുന്നു...എല്ലാരുടയൂം കണ്ണ് വെട്ടിച്ച് ഈക്കണ്ടകാലം വരെ ഞാന്‍ അവരെ സൂക്ഷിച്ചു.എന്നെ കണ്ട മാത്രയില്‍ ഡോക്ടറുടെ മുഖത്ത് ഒരു പാല്‍പുഞ്ചിരി വിടര്‍ന്നു...

ഇന്നലെ രണ്ടു.....ഇന്നു രണ്ടെണ്ണം കൂടി.....ഇനി ഒരു വേലി കെട്ടും...തിരികെ വരാത്ത എന്‍റെ പല്ലുകള്‍..." ഞാന്‍ എന്‍റെ പല്ലുകളെ വീടിലേക്ക്‌ കൊണ്ടു പോയാലോ!!!!!!"പക്ഷെ പല്ല് പറിച്ച ഉടനെ ബട്ടര്‍ ബന്‍ പോലുള്ള പഞ്ഞി എന്‍റെ വായിലേക്ക് കുത്തി തിരുകി.ഒന്നും പറയേണ്ടി വന്നില്ല....സന്തോഷം...................

തിരിച്ചു കാറില്‍ ഇരികുംബോലും ഞാന്‍ അവരെ orthu....ഇനി ഒരിക്കലും ചവയ്ക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്ത എന്‍റെ പല്ല്.......

i am wrong

realising myself..its the happiest moment.....
it was summer then........
i was away from my sweet little home for abt 2 months..started a new life as software engg.
living with diffrent personalities..its such an experience..living free.....living for nothing..living for something...is it real life??
getting first salary...calling someone special....telling mom nd dad....missing the luving ones..
late night mobile rings...take d phone nd "many many happy returns of d day!hAPPY bday"my sweet brother......
experiencing nd expressing the tensions...surviving in difficult times...is it a nice living?yes..bse life with only happiness may be boring..living ...but thrs nothing to do ...its hopeless....better die..
adjusting with someone u hate...its horrible.....wandering in roads..streets...aimless ......dreaming old days..friends....gone days..coming days...forgetting this moments......suddently someone holds u tightly........u wanna d world should stand still....sometimes u feel lonely...regain urself...
yes...only 2 months..nd such an experience...
its raining now.....

i dont need a king....

i dont need a king...i mean ruling ma life its none of ur business..
i hate him nw..once i thought he s ma best frnd...nw im wrong..he s a king..nd hw can i lov a king..
he rules d world..d world where his slaves..in his view the ppl whom he love ..i cant b myself in his presence..i lough 4 evrything he says..bt its nt frm ma heart...i cant b maself whn he is around..he tries to hold me behind him..in his view he protects me...but i dnt want such a protection.....he ask me questions indirectly..why like this?...
if u understood whos dis king,,,pls change ...else live me alone...i dont wanna hate nyone..pls .........................

care kills!!!!!!!!

love doesnt mean care....
love with care....its conditional.. it brings tears...because it brings fear.
care...wll make u anxious...'care wll restrict u...
pls b away frm me..bse i dnt wanna b ur conditional love...its so painful..nd care kills me....
in this world i wanna live ma life without nybodies care...but i dnt no whthr i can love u as i wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!without the killer....