the older ....the darker my life

Things have changed a lot..still i remember the first day after I joined accenture when i went back home...it was realy amazing..It was like I got my life back...fresh air..happiness ...it was the same till some few months before...But situations changed..Have i grown old so fast?

NOwadays Im going home...just like that..Im not feeling the same now..Im getting irritated there..evrytime Im cursing my parents...I do love thm..but the emotions are differntly expressed...

Im feeling guilty...Im surprised...only talks about my future...not exactly future...with whom should i spare my rest of life...ofcourse I know its a big question..And I cant blame them because they didnt restrrict me in my way..I had my freedom...freedom that I didnt use..someone may say freedom that I didnt misuse...I dont know which one is more correct and sensible..

Can u imagine I learned how to be dump..means i stopped talking to my father...it continued for a month and more..it happend more than once...I dont know what exactly happend and still happening in my life..I know life is all about surprises and twists..but sometimes even difficult...crap

I feel like Im so serious..why because I lost that charm in my life..Im always in deep thoughts..lost in the middle of coversation..Im not picking my friends calls..putting constraints everywhere..Im not part of my friends ...I know..im trying..but somehow pretendence came in my life...AM i a good actress?...

The day you left

The day came..for the past two three weeks im not feeling good..I know this truth should be accepted..But ..Some coldness ..moody...gloomy days...I wanna move on....

how I managed to behave normally that day?...no one felt tht im in my worst mood.....even he didnt ..



I dont kno why I stayed back...but i ddnt talk much..I can controll my emotion..one of my strength as well I hate that strength..I wanna explode myself.....



I knew that he will accompany me till my flat...But I said not necesary eventhough I know the answer..nd I loved that walk...eventhough I have a lot to tell him ...we talked some nonsense....I wished he could understand me.....I wished the road should not end thr...I know tomorrow we wll not see.....only hope is sometime somwhere we can meet..we wll call..we wll keep in touch ...





But like this...wll never again possible..he came till the gate and said ..bye..nothing came from myside..



nd he didnt wait to hear ....I saw him walking away from me...I dont know how long I stood there watching him going away from me....Someone inside me forced to run to him..I took few steps forward...I wished ..please once ..only once.. turn back and see me standing .............
But ....

Emotion

i dont kno how abt others..I found it difficult..the toughest among emotions is love..I found its difficult to express....especialy to guys....

Nerolac...or Asian paints..

this topic wll help u out ..it can be used as good theam for an advertisment..
see..in every nuke and corner we can find diffrent shades of painted figures..infront of which many of u ppl stand and pray...THE GREAT GODS...I think u can use them for adds..say like this..wll never fade the divine shade..
Blue..pink..green..
NErolac GOD..
Asian GOD...
God wll never get wet and wll never grow trees in there satatue if u paint them with this kind of paint...nd use this...
...u ppl can diffrentiate among ur selfs with the colour u ppl use..
because hindus...some colour......
muslims...only green shades....like that..
hows this idea.....but beware since there are 7 colurs and we can make infinite shades with these 7...I am sure that no two gods wll have the same colore...... thats what indian idiology..
hopefully u wll get a place to sit or sleep in coming future in india
if they allow u to do so in wht they call it as holly places or temples....

Pain..

No one knows my pain..is it ur problem?
Im here in my home town..but still im away from my home..i dont hav the gutz to face my parents..not because i diid something wrong or they did somethig right...
Evryone is saying..itz time to get married...is it..im not feeling like tht...why evryone is intrested in a girls topic whn she turns 23 or whn she gets a job...Wht make them to think like tht eventhough thr is no harm the girl is doing ....may be because ther is no othe topics as hot as this for them to discuss...with such an enthusiasm and intrest...

Do u know how it feels whn a person is not talking to u even if u didnt do ny harm to him......this is my pain now..i cant explain futher...i just wanna say aloud...
I LOVE U .........
I HATE U....
I MISS U.....

Still im walking in rain....still noone is able to c my tears.....
As always..im alone..but,....i have u..as my dear love..

Terrorist

Why im intrested in this topic?Im crazy..i like playing with ma life...risking my life..
i just wanna do something...So why cant i do some rebel works..
who is my enemy..
the world ...the ppl...
i wanna kill all of thm...all my frnds..all my family..
why?Dont be silly yar..
wht made u to think like tht?im afraid..
talk to me....we can find a solution..
we can solve it..
please...
no...Dont interfere..this is something personal..
u cant stop me from this.....im fed up..
noone is wrong..everyone is right..
so someone should be thr as wrong..so i wanna be wrong..why should i live a life as everyone..
i dont wanna live normal life...i dont wanna marry a stupid one and waste ma life like my parents..
im fed up with strangers asking familiar questions....
wht!who are they?..wht the did to u..
wht questions are giving u problms..
?

Shut up...why are u pretending..this is not drama..tis is life..
u r afraid..afraid of nothingness..stupidity...
speakout...
if someone do something diffrent..thn u ppl call thm mad....
Give me my life...why ur trying to hold it ..im here to carry mine...pls let me go..
i just wanna freak out..

am i happy?????

Stupid...are you happy..
wht make you happy..i have completed one year as software engg...Now wht are my savings...
if you wanna know whts my bank balance..thn im hapy to say that its still sufficient for me to live a life as i want...nd physically i earned a soft belly.....sitting idle all time in office as well home is the reason behind tht belly..Still Im not happy..Why..?Do you know..why im not satisfied or unhappy...??????
I am realy unable to find an answer for that...

BUt Im happy for wht i got as relationships..
i got to know somany ppl...they were strangers ..still strangers..but strangly i am intrested in them..
im talking to them..watching them..
and i think they are like my other friends..
They are my friends..
I never dreamt of friends from diffrent places of INdia.....I should mention abyt a guy..Im a bit confused...He talks in diffrent ways..sometimes he is very happy and talkative nd sometimes as gloomy as im..
strange right..do you find any similarity..heheh..got it right..hmmm....
Daily Im seeing some of thems performance..Performing for their personal intresy\t..
I hate them..
But still i cannot show my anger on them..Why?Because they are not friends,,They are just co workers..BE PROFESSIONAL..
hehehhe
Do u think I like the behaviour Im Showing to them...NEver,,
ITS someone else..
I lost mYseLf...
But Im coward..or i didnt find my way.....